Lack of self-esteem can be a big problem in sexual communication. For example, a person with low self-esteem may be more vulnerable to being bullied by a sexual partner into doing things that he or she doesn’t want to do. If a partner says “You would have sex with me if you loved me” or “If you don’t have sex with me, it means you’re frigid,” a person with low self-esteem may do what the partner wants instead of being able to recognize these lines for what they are: unfair pressure to have sex. A person who lacks self-esteem may feel that he or she doesn’t even deserve to express his or her needs, much less insist on having those needs honored. There are those people who feel so bad about themselves that they may think they deserve to become infected if it happens, so they don’t protect themselves at all.

By practicing what to say in different situations, you can pre- your feelings of low self-esteem and who is unwilling to change, think about finding a new partner. You may also want to think about seeking counseling, to sort out why you feel that you don’t deserve to have your needs met. There are also self-help books that may enable you to begin developing a better sense of yourself and becoming more confident and assertive in your relationships. By learning to care for yourself and about yourself, you can learn to make smart decisions, and thus keep yourself healthy.

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