I’m not sure what it means. I really love her. But I wonder how it would have been with someone else.
HUSBAND
It is true that we are probably not by nature monogamous. Monogamy makes little sense genetically or in strictly evolutionary terms. It makes sense in a personal, spiritual, feeling, and loving sense. It is our nature to reflect, to wonder, to imagine how others would be with us and we would be with them. Such wonder is not a symptom of marital weakness; it is a natural phase of loving. Only fear, insecurity, and denial will prevent it.
Why did we marry this person and why at this time in our life? It is much better to ask this question before reflection becomes recollection, trying to remember after the divorce. Take the time to reflect openly with your partner. Steal from other fantasy relationships ideas for the constant changing of your own relationship. Do not fear your natural curiosity and attraction to the different and unique.
“I noticed as we sat at the traffic light in our car that I was looking at him and my husband was looking at her. They were doing the same,” reported the wife. It is not so much that the grass is always greener in someone else’s lawn, it is just that it is a different lawn. Talk about those feelings, and your own lawn can grow greener by the mental cross-pollination. This is a way to re-court, to rediscover some of the energy behind your pairing, if only in your imagery.
A word of warning. During courtship or the re-courtship I am proposing, there will be several negatives. “I can’t stand that little bit of spit that comes out when he gets excited when he talks,” shared one wife. “She picks at her cuticles. It drives me nuts. I have seen her bite them and eat them,” said one husband. These negatives are all a part of reflection. Share them gently and with as much tolerance as you can muster. You may want to work on correcting some of them. But remember, as the wife who bit her cuticles said, “Jeez, Sam. Everybody does something.”
*52\97\8*
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