Many of the couples lacked effective verbal communication skills regarding sex. “I want to tell her to suck me down there, but it sounds dirty,” said the husband. “I hate the sound of that,” answered his wife. “It just sounds crude.” To help with this problem, couples are asked to play the sexual-synonym game. They write down all the words for the genitals, breasts, and intercourse that they can think of and talk about them. This exercise helps in the building of a marital sexual vocabulary, not to mention the fun of the marriage. “She said her synonym for penis was ‘Richard’ because the word ‘dick’ was too dirty,” said the husband, laughing. “Right,” said his wife. “But I really broke up when you called cunnilingus ‘eating at the Y.’ ”
“Okay,” responded the husband. “You want to reveal your creative name for the penis and the testicles? It is really quite artistic. She called them the light tower on the rocks.”
Sometimes spouses became trapped in projected roles, seeing themselves in ways they feel they must behave rather than allowing themselves to change and develop sexually. “She would never in a million years say the F word,” said the husband. “I would, too,” answered his wife. “The trouble is, you use it too much and always in anger.” By talking about such differences and perhaps false expectations and assigned roles, years of barriers to sexual expression can begin to fall.
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